Teenage Stupidity and the search for a cure.

Let's just be realistic, there is no cure. Though I call myself a hopeful person, the prospect is grim that Teenage Stupidity will ever be wiped from the face of the earth.

I have an afflicted living with me. She is 15 and I fear that it might be fatal. Why? Because I just may wring her neck!

Sigh.....here's the story.

So my 13 year old daughter comes home from school Thursday and she is hysterical. I got up and went to calm her down. She was crying uncontrollably. I finally got her calm enough so I could understand the words she was trying to say. All I could make out was "I got an 'F'! " and she then began to cry. My mind was racing, I didn't know what to say. She has never made an F before and the last time she made a D, I thought she would have to be sedated. She was about to put herself in shock.

"Did you talk to your teacher?" I asked.
"No, she (sob sob sob) and I couldn't (sob sob sob) to her" was her reply.
"It will be ok. Go talk to your teacher and find out what you can do about the grade. There's nothing you can do about it now. Calm down." I said comfortingly.
"(Sniff sniff) Ok Mommy. I'm sorry. I'll do better." she whimpered as she began to calm.

She has always been one to beat herself up more about her grades than I could ever. We love learning and I can realistically say that my children are smart. I like to think that I am a mother that isn't stupid, but like all mothers I can be in denial about the reality of my children not being little babies anymore.

All of that drama over grades made me think. Wait, I have not seen 15's grades this quarter. I have four children in the house with work life and home life competing for my attention. Paying bills and making sure there is beans and rice on the table is a lot to juggle. From time to time I lose track of things. The 15 has been using this to her advantage.

I go to her and ask, "How are your grades? I have not seen anything all quarter."

A blank stare.

Never a good response.

Her Honors English teacher has her grade book on-line so I decide to take a look. "Tell me the password." I command. She gave me something that I put into the computer and it didn't work. I had her repeat it twice and got frustrated. I knew that there was something there that she didn't want me to see. I saved the password to the grade book the last time I used it. I just didn't want to go to the other computer. Fine, I'll go back there and look it up. It wasn't good. We had a conversation about her grades after the first report card and I told her that it would not be nice if she chose not to be responsible for her grades. I noticed that she had a zero for not turning in a signed progress report. A free 100!? Just for owning up to the fact that she was failing!

Exasperated, I e-mailed her teacher asking for help. "What can we do to help her?" I included my home and cell phone numbers just in case she could call. She did. A mere three hours later. I was please to have the chance to speak with her. Especially since I sent the message after 5 pm. She told me how wonderful and smart my daughter is. She said that she was not turning in her assignments.

My blood began to boil.

What would she have to say for herself. After seeing the grades, 15 pulled out all manner of books and papers and began to work in earnest on some homework assignment. A display that angered me more than anything else. As easy as it was for her to pull out that homework, she could have just as easily done the same thing all quarter long.

We are faced with the very real possibility that she may not pass her grade because of this subject.

A typical symptom of TS (teenage stupidity) is the inability to see the big picture. She doesn't understand that the decisions she makes today will reap consequences that she will have to deal with tomorrow.

Now I am faced with creating an object lesson. This will be a particularly daunting task because 15 has always just adjusted to what ever punishment was dealt. You can't watch TV, she reads books. You can't read books, she crochets. You can't use the computer, she uses the computer at school. Arrrrgh!

She has now placed herself in self imposed exile. Avoiding eye contact and whispering feigned apologies that have gotten old and meaningless. I told her that the only way she can really apologize is to show me that she isn't doing to do these stupid things anymore.

Choices, it's all about choices. I have made choices that I am dealing with the consequences of to this day.

In her defense, she has experienced a hard 2008. Some of which was out of her control. Issues with her thieving sperm donor and bad choices around personal relationships can cause TS to flare up and take an effect on the afflicted's mental processes. You can only be a victim for so long before you choose to take responsibility for what is yours.

Pray for me. If you see a national headline about a crazed woman in North Caroline going on a rampage. It was just me. Send bail money.

More to come...