Dumb things I do to myself ....

I was a teen aged mother. One of my greatest fears is that one of my daughters will become a teen mother.

There are times when I am talking to a friend about parenting and some wild things occur to me. I realized that we are all new parents, if we have children, at one point. The amount of good advice we get can be a great help, but at one point or another we are looking at a crying, dirty baby and thinking, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?!"

I have learned that we are all working with the examples we had growing up. Whether it was a mother that cleaned house and a father that was the LAW, or parents that seemed to show their children in one way or another that they wish their children weren't in the picture.

I know a guy from elementary school who's father was not in the picture. He decided that his children were not going to have that example and is a loving father to his daughters and husband to his wife. He decided that the example he had wasn't the one he wanted to follow. Because of him, I am convinced that others can make the same decision.

That being said, I have made certain decisions about my children. Before I stand on my soapbox, I ask that you take my words as words. I pass no judgement on anyone but myself. Next to my mother, I am my harshest critic.

There are things I was not warned about. I feel that certain conversations, if I'd had them early enough in my life, would have changed things. I don't know if it would have been for the better. I know that my children are a blessing to me and my family, especially when I have had a hard day at work. There is nothing like a smile from one of them that makes the fight worth fighting.

My daughters are teenagers and I am not so old that I do not remember being a teenager myself. That is what worries me. I remember all the dumb things I thought about the world and had no idea what I wanted out of life. That conversation didn't come up. I really don't know if it would have changed anything. I just remember thinking, "I wish someone would have told me then." Though considering what an arrogant little shit I was, I probably would not have listened.

Anyway!....here are a few of the things I tell my daughters.

1. Boys want to have sex with you! They will spend a great deal of time and energy thinking about having sex with you and how they can convince you that doing it is a good idea. Your job is not to let them! I do not want to be a young grandmother. sex=babies in my mind and that is very true. Trust me, I know how to make babies.

2. You have to be the one to look out for your best interests. This is one I heard my brother say to my daughter about 6 years ago. It went right on the list. I realized that is such a true statement. I can have the best intentions, but individuals have to decide what is in their own best interests. I can want my children to be happy and successful, but they have to decide what happy and successful means to and for them.

3. It is important to be accountable for your actions or lack thereof. I feel like I am a carpenter trying to hammer this one home when it comes to my children. If you want something to change and you don't do something about it, then it won't change. PERIOD! If you say you want something and don't do anything to move toward getting it, you won't get it. If you have to turn in all of your homework in order to go to an after school event, and you don't do it, YOU WON'T GO. ...sigh, I'm getting heated. next...

4. Mommy loves you. I know that my mother loves me. Even though there were times that I am sure she wishes she didn't. I was such a shit when I was younger. I believe I said that earlier. I get the impression that others don't have that knowledge. I am confident that if my mother and I had a knock down drag out argument tomorrow, that she would still love me forever. PERIOD. I know that my children know that I love them, but I still worry that they are not confident in that knowledge, but they must be. They keep testing me. I have seen how hard it can be on a person that doesn't know that they are loved by their mother and I don't want that for my children. I am going to have to acknowledge that I my children know that I love them and make some changes. Someone I love very much seems tormented by their perceived disappointment of their mother. Their pain is my pain and they are going to have to make choices to let that go and move toward what is in their own best interest.

There are a lot more, I may add some later.