Grief doesn't help keep the weight off.

I'm still fat. The only thing is that is weigh more than I did two weeks ago. I've had to recommit to myself to stay on track. I've gained like 8 lbs in the past 2 weeks. I'm sad about it. I want to be sick about it, but I can't. It's not like I was forced to eat bad things. Most of it is from being dehydrated. I haven't been drinking enough water. That has got to change. It is changing.

I went for my weekly weigh and measure and still lost some inches. That is what keeps me going. I was on a streak for a while and was posting weight loss every week. Two and a half weeks ago my friend passed suddenly and it's been surreal ever since. I miss being told, "You look good baby!" and "Keep it up. You'll be skinny before you know it." It is a good thing I can still hear his voice in my head. I miss my Cliff.

My saving grace right now is the "One." He has been extremely understanding and has worked very hard to bust me out of the shell I like to build around myself when I am unhappy. I'm still sad, but only because I'm selfish. Then I am thankful for the many blessings that abound within my life and I move on.

I'm drinking my water. I'm eating my fresh food. I'm going to get into those jeans in my closet! I have clothes in my closet that I refuse to give away because I am determined to get into them. I've started parking at the back of the parking lot and moving with purpose when I walk. When the sun is shining or if it's cold and raining, I tell myself that those that are not with me are in the wind.

Excuse me while I drink this water...