Thanksgiving! Food, Food and Family

I love to cook. Anyone that knows me knows this simple truth of my life.

Thanksgiving is a big food holiday, I really look forward to it. My daughters were talking to me a few months ago about how excited they were about cooking with me for Thanksgiving. We cook together all the time but they were looking forward to this day. I think that was funny. They really like the dressing. I could make pans and pans full of the stuff and they would not let a bit of it go to waste. I get leery about making too much, because of storage issues. I am also concerned about excessive overeating.

I have issues with food that I have turned into a passion for cooking. The eating I leave to someone else. I want to know that the food tastes good, but the real enjoyment of the food, for me, is in its preparation. My zen moment is achieved when I am chopping, measuring, scooping and pouring.

During the holidays, more than any other time of year, I tend to take notice and stock of the way I am eating. There are occasions to prepare food that reminds me of a certain family event or memory I have of my childhood. I find that I could sit and eat myself into a stupor. Just munch and munch until I become numb from all the food and drunk from the memories, good and bad.

I can feel the anticipation build as I mull over the menu selections for the day. Making sure there are vegetables and we have prepared enough meat. This year, I was torn over whether or not to make a cake for Thanksgiving dinner. We ended up making four sweet potato pies and two pumpkin cheese cakes. They weren't super deep or tall, but they were tasty!

My oldest sister makes great mac and cheese. My children and I all look forward to eating it, because we don't indulge in cheese like that often, but when we do it is hers! I look forward to having my taste and letting the children take the rest like locusts. I don't bother to try to duplicate it, probably because it is something that I know she likes to make and I wouldn't want her to make me make it from now on if she thought that my version was better. Purely lazy! I think I am a great cook, but not so much that I can't recognize when someone else is better. My sisters are wonderful cooks too.

So, just because I need to share, here is the menu on our thanksgiving:

Turkey Whole Roasted

Extra Large Turkey Breast baked

Honey Ham - "Of Death"

Squash, Zucchini and Onion medley

Turkey Sausage Dressing

Sweet Potato Pie

Pumpkin Cheese Cake

Homemade Yeast rolls

Gotta love it!
More to come...

"OMG! I want a web cam!", some reasons why I won't be getting one. Thoughts on my Twin.

First off, I owe people money. I don't want to buy anything extra until I pay back the money I owe folks. If I tell you I'm broke, you know I mean it. I won't be showing off anything new til the debt is paid. Besides, I owe money to the people that I would talk to about getting a web cam. Yeah, the terms of repayment have never been outlined, but I'm not trying to push it. If I borrow it and say I'm going to pay it back, then I will, EVENTUALLY!

My computer time is my unwind time. I look crazy and like that I look crazy when I am on the computer at home. Those little times of crazy keep me sane. "Spoon!"
I don't want to have to get "cuted" up for a camera.

Lastly, I am way too competitive with my twin. It is a healthy competition and one in which we are the biggest fan of the other. Let me explain.

I should probably make a list:


1. I tried her cookie press when I went for a visit. I came home and got one for myself. Mine isn't as cool as hers, but she's had more practice and I don't have that kind of patience.

2. We used her stand mixer, which is a wonderful tool for the home baker. Got mine last month, but she and my other sister chipped in to get it for me. Proof that she is one of my greatest supports because she knows it will come in handy and it really has.

3. My sister is across the country where my brother-in-law took her! Military and he was as mad about it or madder than she was. Anyway, she sent me a link to her vlog introduction. I thought it was GREAT! It was so nice to see her talking and a slide show of pictures. I wanted to do it too! Not because I thought I could do it better, but if she could do a great job, my mind tells me that I could do a great job too. That is all well and good, but I have seen video of myself and even though we are twins, the camera likes her much better than me!

My family is very important to me. They make me strong in all the ways I think I am weak. I have seen my sisters grow and change and in witnessing their changes, become a better person for knowing them. I hope to get to know my brothers better. I think I will take the steps I used when I decided I wanted to know my older sister better. Blog fodder! One of the best things about being a mad scientist is having experiments! Social experiments are my favorite.

More to come...

Thoughts on attraction....a little ramble

I have personal tastes. I realize that what I think is attractive may not be considered as such to someone else. That's cool with me.

There are times when we see someone that we find esthetically pleasing only to have an interaction with that person and find we should have stayed across the room. I remember having a crush on someone because I saw them at the club from time to time. I ended up working for the same company that they worked for. I had a chance to chat with them one day in the break room. They turned out to be a nice person, but inarticulate. It shattered my whole fantasy.

I interact with people all the time. Some I am attracted to and others I'm not. I have found myself talking to someone that I am not attracted to and thinking about the many reasons and ways that I am not attracted to them. Especially if they are talking about something that I couldn't care less about.

I can be such a shit in that way.

I can be very simple to please though. Wrinkle free, combed or shaved neatly and a nice smell are pluses.

I have been reading another blog lately: http://www.untiligetmarried.com/

It has become my guilty pleasure as well as my little cheat on a male perspective. He makes lists sometimes, I may give that a shot.

More to come.

My mother....

I am one of six children.

My mother is 73. She is hardheaded, proud and the example I have for motherhood. I love her dearly. I want her to be happy.

She is visiting me right now, continuing what has become her regular month long visit to my house. These are interesting times.

In the past six years, since my father passed away, my mother has been through a lot, both physically and mentally. It was a real possibility that we might lose both of my parents six years ago. They were both in the hospital at the same time. My mother came home and my father died three days later. I think that he just wanted to feel like she was ok before he went home to Jesus. The thought of it still brings tears to my eyes. She has lost a brother, had a brain tumor removed, a hip replaced and bypass surgery. She was in a nursing home and wanted to go home so she did. It didn't matter to her that she would need help, she wanted to go home so that is where she went. That is the thing about having a head like a mule, you sure can "kick" like one. She has a strong will and a stronger spirit, so she went where she wanted to go.


She lives two hours away from me, and one hour from the nearest child of hers. Since my back injury earlier this year, that drive is more taxing that I'd like to admit. I endure it because my desire to see her is stronger than my fear of the pain that I will certainly be in after spending four hours behind the wheel or in the passenger seat. My road warrior hat is made of wet paper at this point and it doesn't seem to be drying right now. I have made the drive once and someone drove me once since I've been back to work. It hurt and it took me the next day to recover.


These facts plus my desire to spend time with her lead me to ask her to just move in with me. I have a job I enjoy and my older sister is in the city I live in, so together we could work it out. She has refused. Even though she has a deep affection for my children, partly because I was living at home when I had my daughters and she knows them better than any of her other grandchildren. I know she loves the fact that my sons know her and enjoy spending time with her.


She thinks my children are well behaved, even though I am sure it would surprise her the lengths I have to go to to make sure they continue to appear well behaved. I think of it as the "Jello" concept, it is really great, but once you know how it happens, you may be slightly traumatized.

I used to get so stressed out trying to figure my mother out. I had to quit. She is who she is and I love her so my decisions related to her come from that fact. Since I have adopted this "surrendering" method, I have learned a lot from simple observation.

1. She cares what you think, but not enough to change what she says. After all that she has been through, she has earned the right to say just about anything. If she was the type to cuss, I would really be worried. If she starts cussing, I know that there is a real problem.

2. She wants attention. Who doesn't? I can completely understand her in this because she went from a house full to just her. I don't care how long it took to happen, it happened. I am years away from being by myself in my home and I know that it will happen one day if I live long enough and I am trying to plan for it now. Sometimes plans don't work out....


3. She likes to be in the loop but feels no obligation whatsoever to return the favor to her children. This is crazy to me, but she is who she is and I am glad that she will talk to me about how she really feels and what she really thinks. Sometimes.


4. She hates being put on the spot. Many of the best conversations I have ever had with my mother where when it was just me and her. The trouble with this is that I have no witnesses to what a funny, feeling and sensitive person she is! I feel like I have this grand secret with no proof at all. If she feels put on the spot, she will make some kind of snarky remark and that lets me know she doesn't want the other person to know what I am talking about. We even have our own code or I have learned from experience what certain things she may say mean. I really wish I could share some examples of this, but she would kill me if I gave that away. Talk about being put on the spot! We are talking Top Secret codes here!


5. She and I have a wonderful relationship. I think because I ask for her advice. I want to know what she thinks even when I don't base my decisions on what she thinks is best. She loves me anyway. I will call her when she is home and talk about whatever. She knows when things suck and when they are great. I try not to worry her, but she worries anyway. It is what she does. She tries not to make us worry, but we worry anyway. Family does that. I hope that my mother was able to improve in the model of mother-daughter relationships from her relationship with her mother. I also think that ones resolve in maintaining a level of strictness weakens with time. She has started to let her guard down some so I see her in a way that my siblings don't.

6. If I am not careful, my mother can still push my buttons. I am very pleased that a great majority of the time my mother can not get me upset. She would if I let her, but it doesn't happen very often. That is due in no small part to the fact that I don't have to be the one to tell her she can't do something. My current job has taught me to say "no" without actually saying the word. The thing with my mother is that she knows when she is being told no and I am not so smooth to be able to get that past her without some resistance. I have tried to be neutral in a lot of things related to her, but I know that time is coming to an end.

My mother realizes that the time has come for the rolls to be reversed. The thought of that frightens the hell out of her. I think she is starting to wonder if there were things she did in our childhood that we could now hold against her! I know me and I know the kind of person that I am. I am a loving, considerate, caring and hardworking person.

It is hard to help someone deal with the reality that things won't be the way they once were. All I can do is try to be understanding and not let her get to me. Being positive goes a long way toward living a happy life.

Think positive and be positive.

More to come....

Grown ups, their toys and other thoughts on family...

My sister was blessed with a kidney transplant last month! Yeah! I am so happy for her and insisted that she stay with me at my apartment for the 4 weeks that she cannot drive. She is a superwoman and would probably make herself sick trying to do all that she thinks needs to be done.

Even though she shouldn't drive, her car is parked outside. She has appointments that she needs to go to and decided that it would be best to drive her car the hour or so since it it better on gas than my Gray Dragon (SUV for those that don't know what I drive).

I thought that driving was pretty straight forward. You get in, put the key in the ignition, turn it on and drive. Simple, right? Not in my sister's Cadillac. Beside the fact that it is worth more than my two cars put together, it is a friggin' air plane! The amount of light that the dash board puts out when you turn it on has me looking like I have just come back from a Caribbean vacation.
A flight plan filed and a system check needs to be performed before you can do anything. It has seat warmers, that are pretty cool, that make sure the leather seats are not too cold when you go for a ride.

I have a funny story about an old lady and a seat warmer that is for another day! A scream! Anyway.

The key apparently is programmed with settings for the driver. It has an alarm that goes off if you are getting too close to something behind you. The radio will keep playing when you turn the car off and blue tooth! She didn't even know about the blue tooth until last week. I am sure that there are more wonders in that thing yet to be discovered, but that is just the short list.

Give me the key and tell me where you want to go and I'm good.

My mother is also in town for her annual visit. We are coming to the end of her second week. I have to say that I am enjoying having her and my sister here. I don't have to go anywhere to see them. I get to spend time with them before I got to sleep and cook for them when I am not too tired.

Last week was insane and I was sure I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but I made it through thanks in no small part to sick time from work and the ability to drop hours! I initially thought, "What's 3 more people? The more the merrier!" It was a challenge getting everything together so we could function as a household. Now I'm thinking that I don't know what I will do when it is just the folks that normally live here again! I'm loving every minute of it.

This week is going better. I feel like we are getting into a groove and as soon as I am all used to them being here they are going to go home and I will have to put my road warrior hat back on. My sister will still be in town, but I am sure she misses sleeping in her own bed at night. I know I do even though my bed is a cheap piece of crap, it is home and I am a home body.

My mother and sister have a strange relationship that confuses and entertains me at the same time. Though I am sure they don't fully realize just how hilarious they sound when they start clucking at each other like some deranged hens.

I have been trying to convince my mother to move in with me and my family, but she says that she doesn't do much more at my house than she does at home, but she takes for granted the fact that my children are really loving having her around. My toddlers can't wait to wake her up in the morning and love on her. My teenagers love spending time with their grandmother too. Not to mention, My house, my rules.

My mother likes to have fish on Fridays and it is on sale so I am off to pick up some in the morning! My twin sister tells me that my mother has really enjoys the food that we have been preparing for her since she has been here, but she finds some fault in it. I don't even let her comments bother me. I know that it is her way of trying to be "sassy". We talk a lot of trash. She says something and I say something sassy back. It works for us. She can be a handful and hardheaded, but all in all I enjoy her company.

The weather sucks right now. It has been raining for the past 2 days and cool to boot. My mother wants to go get a mani-pedi. I know for a fact that she will complain for an hour about how cold she is. She wants to get out and do something so I am going to take her to do it. It will give me a chance to have a captive audience at the nail salon to try some of my material one. I love a good clean joke.

When my twin sister was here, we used to go get our eyebrows done and tell jokes to the women getting pedicures. Some of them still remember us over a year later! That's making a good impression. I should probably bake up some goodies and grab a stack of business cards so I can do some networking.

Until next time! Love your family. I know I do.

Dumb things I do to myself ....

I was a teen aged mother. One of my greatest fears is that one of my daughters will become a teen mother.

There are times when I am talking to a friend about parenting and some wild things occur to me. I realized that we are all new parents, if we have children, at one point. The amount of good advice we get can be a great help, but at one point or another we are looking at a crying, dirty baby and thinking, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?!"

I have learned that we are all working with the examples we had growing up. Whether it was a mother that cleaned house and a father that was the LAW, or parents that seemed to show their children in one way or another that they wish their children weren't in the picture.

I know a guy from elementary school who's father was not in the picture. He decided that his children were not going to have that example and is a loving father to his daughters and husband to his wife. He decided that the example he had wasn't the one he wanted to follow. Because of him, I am convinced that others can make the same decision.

That being said, I have made certain decisions about my children. Before I stand on my soapbox, I ask that you take my words as words. I pass no judgement on anyone but myself. Next to my mother, I am my harshest critic.

There are things I was not warned about. I feel that certain conversations, if I'd had them early enough in my life, would have changed things. I don't know if it would have been for the better. I know that my children are a blessing to me and my family, especially when I have had a hard day at work. There is nothing like a smile from one of them that makes the fight worth fighting.

My daughters are teenagers and I am not so old that I do not remember being a teenager myself. That is what worries me. I remember all the dumb things I thought about the world and had no idea what I wanted out of life. That conversation didn't come up. I really don't know if it would have changed anything. I just remember thinking, "I wish someone would have told me then." Though considering what an arrogant little shit I was, I probably would not have listened.

Anyway!....here are a few of the things I tell my daughters.

1. Boys want to have sex with you! They will spend a great deal of time and energy thinking about having sex with you and how they can convince you that doing it is a good idea. Your job is not to let them! I do not want to be a young grandmother. sex=babies in my mind and that is very true. Trust me, I know how to make babies.

2. You have to be the one to look out for your best interests. This is one I heard my brother say to my daughter about 6 years ago. It went right on the list. I realized that is such a true statement. I can have the best intentions, but individuals have to decide what is in their own best interests. I can want my children to be happy and successful, but they have to decide what happy and successful means to and for them.

3. It is important to be accountable for your actions or lack thereof. I feel like I am a carpenter trying to hammer this one home when it comes to my children. If you want something to change and you don't do something about it, then it won't change. PERIOD! If you say you want something and don't do anything to move toward getting it, you won't get it. If you have to turn in all of your homework in order to go to an after school event, and you don't do it, YOU WON'T GO. ...sigh, I'm getting heated. next...

4. Mommy loves you. I know that my mother loves me. Even though there were times that I am sure she wishes she didn't. I was such a shit when I was younger. I believe I said that earlier. I get the impression that others don't have that knowledge. I am confident that if my mother and I had a knock down drag out argument tomorrow, that she would still love me forever. PERIOD. I know that my children know that I love them, but I still worry that they are not confident in that knowledge, but they must be. They keep testing me. I have seen how hard it can be on a person that doesn't know that they are loved by their mother and I don't want that for my children. I am going to have to acknowledge that I my children know that I love them and make some changes. Someone I love very much seems tormented by their perceived disappointment of their mother. Their pain is my pain and they are going to have to make choices to let that go and move toward what is in their own best interest.

There are a lot more, I may add some later.

The affects of radiation on Man in the Moon Marigolds

Life is crazy. Life is great! My life is greatly crazy.


In June, while my sister and brother-in-law were visiting and doing some much needed work on my P.O.S. car, I slipped and fell at a gas station while taking the little street luge for a test drive. The following 3 months were a blur of pain, drugs, doctor's visits and physical therapy. I am back at work now and trying to get things back on track. It is crazy that in my last posting I said that I could just get in bed and stay there for a month. It turned out to be three months! Careful what you wish for.

It is amazing how pain is an appetite suppressant! I woke up in pain for months and eating was the last thing on my mind. My home is set up so there is nothing that is particularly quick, I ate a lot of fruit and fresh vegetables. I was still managing to eat, but the amount was much less and the quality was much higher. I lost weight. The physical therapy that I started doing helped a lot. I have even committed myself to doing it at home once the therapist released me to go it alone. So far so good.



Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but not always.

Take that heading with a grain of salt. My dark clouds have silver linings, always. It is only a matter of time before the lining catches the sun and gleams like no body's business! I know this in the very core of my being. I was talking to my mother the other day and I realized that this truth of my life is not so for everyone. I think that is amazing, but see examples of this all the time. People can get so mired in negativity that they don't see the amazing things that happen all around them.



Personal Example:

In November of 2000, I had a bad experience that, at the time, really sucked! Now, 9 years later, I praise the Lord every time I think about it. I was shocked, hurt, betrayed and financially broken. I cried and pulled myself together. I told my friends and coworkers what happened and was blessed beyond my expectations. That devastation and the way I reacted to it, with hope and resiliency, opened the door for some great things.

Something good has come from the bad things that has happened to me. I have friends and family that can't say the same. I can only think that it is because of how they handle adversity. I know that when things get crazy for me, if I stop and appreciate the blessings in my life, I can handle anything. I worked with a woman about five years ago who used to tease me about my positive attitude. I could look at about anything from more than one perspective. There is something good that can be said when things look bad. Granted, there are times when "Dude, that sucks." is the only thing that can be said, but it is an identification with the issue.

Something I learned in 3 months of being horizontal.....

I want to be at home! All the pain aside, I enjoyed seeing my children day after day. They and their godfather made a horrible time much more bearable. I enjoy cooking and have decided to start taking baby steps to work my way toward a little luncheonette.

Step one: The Pink Box of Happiness. My home baking business that will become a catering business with the same name.

Step two: Make connections and get my product in people's hands and stomachs.

Step three: Don't give up.

I hope to have a home style pub and luncheonette. Where you can get good comfort food and a beer if you want one.

Pray for me. That a blessing will come from this too.

More to come.