Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Poem: Thoughts of you.....

When I go to sleep, my thoughts are not of you. They are of him.
When I wake up, my thoughts are not of him. They are of me.
As I move through my day trying to move forward in my life, I can only hope that you will move on too.

I can fight with him, and fight with him, and fight with him and never win, but I don't lose. It's not that way with you. You have to win, so we both lose.

When I think of you, I don't smile. I used to. I remember those days. Before, you thought you loved me. Before you put me on a pedestal that I don't deserve. Keeping me from the pedestal that I do.

When I was excited to see you and I thought you were something other than what time showed you to be.

When I think of him, I bite my lip. I bite my lip and think of far off places, candles that have never been lit and baby oil.

For all of the time that we have been together, you don't know me. Neither does he.

He knows that aspect of me that is so frustrated with you, I want to take it out on someone, and he lets me. Stopping me before I go too far.

Just different. Pleasing in your own way as he is in his.

When I have thoughts of you, I have thoughts of him.

I am not a writer.

I was on the phone with a friend today, catching up, and he told me that I should be cautious of artists, musicians, writers and especially poets. He said that they always have the right words to say and in the end it turns out that they didn't mean much if any of it at all.
I've been hanging out with artistic types lately. It is always great because they tend to get my creative juices flowing. Even if they aren't expressing the thoughts that I am trying to express, it can be energizing.
I happened to speak with another friend, who IS a writer, and told this friend about the words of caution. Here is what I can remember if their response, along with my own artistic contributions.

Now I am more inclined to take to heart the cautions.

I am not a writer. I simply take words and arrange them in a way to create a mental picture, but I am not a writer.
I am a cook in the kitchen and a beast in the bedroom, but I am not a writer.
I use the words in my heart to speak to your mind, but I am not a writer.
I can use my hands in ways that will relax your body and give peace to your soul. I am not a writer.
I am a parent to my children and a friend to those in need. I am not a writer.
I am a fighter, a wrestler, a promoter, a deal maker. I am not a writer.
I simply take words and arrange them in a way to create a mental picture. I am not a writer.
I need to go write this down.

(I thought I would beat them to the punch! Peace and Love)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Creativity

I really like being around creative people. Not because I am not creative myself, but their creativity spurs my creativity. I think of it as a battery recharge.

I have written a lot lately about poetry and even a little poetry myself. I have even mustered the nerve to participate in a few open mics. For someone that loves the sound of my own voice, I am ever struck by how nervous I get when I grab a microphone or stand behind one.

I have decided that I am going to participate in a slam in July. Having committed myself to a date is exciting. Now I have work to do. I have managed to write a few new pieces and will work the performance out at my favorite open mic on Fridays. I want to make it past the first round. I think that is a goal for a first time slam participant. I have seen the caliber of artists that go to this slam and it is a lofty goal for sure.

I have decided that I want to learn 5 pieces. I have two of them down and am in the process of learning the third, a poem written in the voice of one of my daughters. The other two are in the process of being formulated in my mind. I may sing. That would shock some people I know. I don't know about all of that. We will see.

As it stands right now I have just been trying to get my friends to come and give me feedback on my performance. I am really looking forward to the day another part of me can be shared with the people that I have worked with and around for the past 9 years. I write a lot about the duality of a thing or situation, mainly because I feel split in two at times, between my home life and work life. I think these types of separation are important. No one should be professional all the time. No one can be. I guess the problem is when the perception becomes the persona and people don't know one from the other.

I believe that being able to express yourself artistically, creatively it crucial in self actualization.

Here's to achieving movement toward that end in 2010.

More to come..

Monday, March 8, 2010

Poem: Shoes

I need a new pair of shoes.

My month is over and I finally have something left.
My bills are paid, but there will be more.
Rent, lights, food. Babies gotta eat.
Four beautiful faces looking at me for support.

I can’t do this by myself.

I’m rich with the blessings of friends and family.
Rich with the love and support for all my endeavors.

My body aches, my heart breaks. My head hurts and still I move. walking.
I walk so I can keep from screaming.
I walk so I can keep from taking a head long dive toward the nearest pillar to knock myself out.
Maybe I could sleep through all this craziness and maintain the stability I always wanted but could never seem to achieve.

I believe the children are our future, Whitney had it right. Teach them well and let them lead the way.

I have a potential doctor, lawyer, teacher and musician. Ya’ll I’m on a mission! To show them that they make brighter days.

I can’t help the decisions of others.

Deciding that they have a choice where I see none.
Bills need to be paid, babies gotta eat. The end of my month and my money have to meet.

I need a new pair of shoes.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Poem: I am more than I appear

I am more than I appear
Good friend - total shithead

I am more than I appear
passionate lover - distracted participant

I am more than I appear
My parents did a great job of teaching me to be polite. Most days.
My brother did an excellent job of making sure I am articulate. Most ways.

I am the sum of my experiences and the consequences of my decisions. The victim of my self consciousness. The strength of my convictions, right or wrong.

I am more than I appear
Don't let the sweet voice fool, my kind words are not all I have to offer.

At times I may seem exceptional, but I am broken in places. Confused and misguided, I have made my share of mistakes.

I am more than I appear.

I can sense the subtle sound of the mind's whispers.
I can feel the tension and excitement of words unspoken.
I observe the unnoticed and at the same time am oblivious to the overt!

You see, I have in me a dichotomy that reveals only a small part of me.
So pay attention. You may see me professionally, but you don't know how hard I play.

I am much more than I appear. I wouldn't have it any other way.