No Marathon for me, I'll take a long walk.

My mother is coming for a visit.

If you still have your mother, you may feel something from the words above. My feelings? Anxiety mostly, but excitement. I love my mother very much. I think that my relationship with her is better than any of my 5 other siblings. That relationship comes with a cost. A price I am willing to pay. That price? My home is a preferred destination. My mother knows my children better than any of my sibling's children. Even though I don't call my mother as much as some of my siblings, my children call my mother. I think that is so sweet.

It occurs to me that my children might be "telling" on me to my mother, but she doesn't fuss at me after talking to them, so they get to continue to live under my roof. I'm not sure what they talk about, but I am pretty certain they are not talking about what punishment they are on now. Then they might have to tell "Mommy" what they got in trouble for and they want to keep the rose coloured glasses on my mother's eyes.

My mother has historically come to visit for 4 weeks at a time. This trip will be a shorter one. Two weeks. I wanted to feel bad about cutting her visit short, but I thought back to her last two visits and she has wanted to go home in 2 weeks and I have felt like I am keeping her at my house against her will. I've decided that I'm not even going to fight it. Two weeks and she is free to go.

My mother told me that she doesn't want to go where she is not wanted. She knows that I want her to come for a visit. I have to practically hound her to get her to come. I feel like I have to put on a Vaudeville Show. I just don't have it in me to keep flipping, dancing and doing jazz hands until she agrees to stay.

I realized that I am so much like my mother, it is scary to acknowledge that I will one day be just like her. God willing, I will be more cheerful. I think I have a pleasant disposition.

Like her, I don't like being told what to do, even if it is for my own good. I like to be shown the reason in a course of action and to decide that I agree with it for whatever reason I might have, normally as long as it is not "for your own good." Even though that is the best reason to do anything at all. Right? Shouldn't we all be looking out for our own good? People often don't do what is for their own good and end up having to deal with the Universe's course corrections, putting them back on the path to what is for their own good. Life is funny that way.

So I will soon hit the road to pack her into my SUV and bring her to my home for a couple of weeks. I will read her my blog and perform my poetry for her. She will tell me that I am being too sassy or something along those lines. She will poke at me and I will needle her. I will show her how we make all of our bread now, something that has happened since her last visit. I will boil the bejesus out of some vegetables so they are soft enough for her to eat without hurting her gums.

My current work schedule makes it hard for me to be able to really enjoy my mom because, when she is awake...half the night, I am at work. When I am asleep during the day, she is awake and wondering why I am not up to entertain her or take her to do something. I have a better plan this time. I am going to let her grandson wake her up early in the morning to talk and play blocks, his favorite. I am going to make her breakfast before I lay down to rest. I really like when we get a chance to sit and chat with each other.

My mother is such a smart and clever woman.

So I'm sharpening my wit, toughening my skin and singing a happy tune as I drive down the highway. Soon my hall will be filled with the sound of judgementalism! (I know that is not a word, but you know what I mean!) I will be slightly sleep deprived and my children will get to spend time with their Grandmother.

I wonder what stories she will tell me about the past. I promise to share the good ones.

More to come...Thanks for reading.

My sister's Visit.

Spending time with my sister and nieces was great! We have such a high level of love and respect for eachother. I admire her strength and tenacity and she admires mine. We just have different challenges that we take head on, but look at the other's and wonder how she has the strength to deal.

We read the poem "Infatuation" ~ December 15, 2009 Entry. At the open mic. My friend Eurydice, helped me arrange the piece to be performed by two people. My twin and I practiced it a couple of times after she got here and took the stage in matching shirts. I didn't throw up, but I did get nervous. Not her. She stood up there and spoke so strong and calm. She's my hero. All in all I am pleased with the performance. I am going to work on memorizing the poem for future open mics. I might just slam one day.

We made it a girls night out. My sister and her first born, me and my first born. All getting behind the mic to read something.

We watched the slam that was after the open mic and got to see Eurydice win the opportunity to represent our area in a Women of the World poetry slam.

I feel like her visit went by so fast, but we had some quality time together. We cooked for our birthday and spent time with friends and family. I love the memories we are making because I know that they are what I have to comfort me when she heads back out to the CRATER on the west coast.

Peace and Love.

"OMG! I want a web cam!", some reasons why I won't be getting one. Thoughts on my Twin.

First off, I owe people money. I don't want to buy anything extra until I pay back the money I owe folks. If I tell you I'm broke, you know I mean it. I won't be showing off anything new til the debt is paid. Besides, I owe money to the people that I would talk to about getting a web cam. Yeah, the terms of repayment have never been outlined, but I'm not trying to push it. If I borrow it and say I'm going to pay it back, then I will, EVENTUALLY!

My computer time is my unwind time. I look crazy and like that I look crazy when I am on the computer at home. Those little times of crazy keep me sane. "Spoon!"
I don't want to have to get "cuted" up for a camera.

Lastly, I am way too competitive with my twin. It is a healthy competition and one in which we are the biggest fan of the other. Let me explain.

I should probably make a list:


1. I tried her cookie press when I went for a visit. I came home and got one for myself. Mine isn't as cool as hers, but she's had more practice and I don't have that kind of patience.

2. We used her stand mixer, which is a wonderful tool for the home baker. Got mine last month, but she and my other sister chipped in to get it for me. Proof that she is one of my greatest supports because she knows it will come in handy and it really has.

3. My sister is across the country where my brother-in-law took her! Military and he was as mad about it or madder than she was. Anyway, she sent me a link to her vlog introduction. I thought it was GREAT! It was so nice to see her talking and a slide show of pictures. I wanted to do it too! Not because I thought I could do it better, but if she could do a great job, my mind tells me that I could do a great job too. That is all well and good, but I have seen video of myself and even though we are twins, the camera likes her much better than me!

My family is very important to me. They make me strong in all the ways I think I am weak. I have seen my sisters grow and change and in witnessing their changes, become a better person for knowing them. I hope to get to know my brothers better. I think I will take the steps I used when I decided I wanted to know my older sister better. Blog fodder! One of the best things about being a mad scientist is having experiments! Social experiments are my favorite.

More to come...

My mother....

I am one of six children.

My mother is 73. She is hardheaded, proud and the example I have for motherhood. I love her dearly. I want her to be happy.

She is visiting me right now, continuing what has become her regular month long visit to my house. These are interesting times.

In the past six years, since my father passed away, my mother has been through a lot, both physically and mentally. It was a real possibility that we might lose both of my parents six years ago. They were both in the hospital at the same time. My mother came home and my father died three days later. I think that he just wanted to feel like she was ok before he went home to Jesus. The thought of it still brings tears to my eyes. She has lost a brother, had a brain tumor removed, a hip replaced and bypass surgery. She was in a nursing home and wanted to go home so she did. It didn't matter to her that she would need help, she wanted to go home so that is where she went. That is the thing about having a head like a mule, you sure can "kick" like one. She has a strong will and a stronger spirit, so she went where she wanted to go.


She lives two hours away from me, and one hour from the nearest child of hers. Since my back injury earlier this year, that drive is more taxing that I'd like to admit. I endure it because my desire to see her is stronger than my fear of the pain that I will certainly be in after spending four hours behind the wheel or in the passenger seat. My road warrior hat is made of wet paper at this point and it doesn't seem to be drying right now. I have made the drive once and someone drove me once since I've been back to work. It hurt and it took me the next day to recover.


These facts plus my desire to spend time with her lead me to ask her to just move in with me. I have a job I enjoy and my older sister is in the city I live in, so together we could work it out. She has refused. Even though she has a deep affection for my children, partly because I was living at home when I had my daughters and she knows them better than any of her other grandchildren. I know she loves the fact that my sons know her and enjoy spending time with her.


She thinks my children are well behaved, even though I am sure it would surprise her the lengths I have to go to to make sure they continue to appear well behaved. I think of it as the "Jello" concept, it is really great, but once you know how it happens, you may be slightly traumatized.

I used to get so stressed out trying to figure my mother out. I had to quit. She is who she is and I love her so my decisions related to her come from that fact. Since I have adopted this "surrendering" method, I have learned a lot from simple observation.

1. She cares what you think, but not enough to change what she says. After all that she has been through, she has earned the right to say just about anything. If she was the type to cuss, I would really be worried. If she starts cussing, I know that there is a real problem.

2. She wants attention. Who doesn't? I can completely understand her in this because she went from a house full to just her. I don't care how long it took to happen, it happened. I am years away from being by myself in my home and I know that it will happen one day if I live long enough and I am trying to plan for it now. Sometimes plans don't work out....


3. She likes to be in the loop but feels no obligation whatsoever to return the favor to her children. This is crazy to me, but she is who she is and I am glad that she will talk to me about how she really feels and what she really thinks. Sometimes.


4. She hates being put on the spot. Many of the best conversations I have ever had with my mother where when it was just me and her. The trouble with this is that I have no witnesses to what a funny, feeling and sensitive person she is! I feel like I have this grand secret with no proof at all. If she feels put on the spot, she will make some kind of snarky remark and that lets me know she doesn't want the other person to know what I am talking about. We even have our own code or I have learned from experience what certain things she may say mean. I really wish I could share some examples of this, but she would kill me if I gave that away. Talk about being put on the spot! We are talking Top Secret codes here!


5. She and I have a wonderful relationship. I think because I ask for her advice. I want to know what she thinks even when I don't base my decisions on what she thinks is best. She loves me anyway. I will call her when she is home and talk about whatever. She knows when things suck and when they are great. I try not to worry her, but she worries anyway. It is what she does. She tries not to make us worry, but we worry anyway. Family does that. I hope that my mother was able to improve in the model of mother-daughter relationships from her relationship with her mother. I also think that ones resolve in maintaining a level of strictness weakens with time. She has started to let her guard down some so I see her in a way that my siblings don't.

6. If I am not careful, my mother can still push my buttons. I am very pleased that a great majority of the time my mother can not get me upset. She would if I let her, but it doesn't happen very often. That is due in no small part to the fact that I don't have to be the one to tell her she can't do something. My current job has taught me to say "no" without actually saying the word. The thing with my mother is that she knows when she is being told no and I am not so smooth to be able to get that past her without some resistance. I have tried to be neutral in a lot of things related to her, but I know that time is coming to an end.

My mother realizes that the time has come for the rolls to be reversed. The thought of that frightens the hell out of her. I think she is starting to wonder if there were things she did in our childhood that we could now hold against her! I know me and I know the kind of person that I am. I am a loving, considerate, caring and hardworking person.

It is hard to help someone deal with the reality that things won't be the way they once were. All I can do is try to be understanding and not let her get to me. Being positive goes a long way toward living a happy life.

Think positive and be positive.

More to come....

Grown ups, their toys and other thoughts on family...

My sister was blessed with a kidney transplant last month! Yeah! I am so happy for her and insisted that she stay with me at my apartment for the 4 weeks that she cannot drive. She is a superwoman and would probably make herself sick trying to do all that she thinks needs to be done.

Even though she shouldn't drive, her car is parked outside. She has appointments that she needs to go to and decided that it would be best to drive her car the hour or so since it it better on gas than my Gray Dragon (SUV for those that don't know what I drive).

I thought that driving was pretty straight forward. You get in, put the key in the ignition, turn it on and drive. Simple, right? Not in my sister's Cadillac. Beside the fact that it is worth more than my two cars put together, it is a friggin' air plane! The amount of light that the dash board puts out when you turn it on has me looking like I have just come back from a Caribbean vacation.
A flight plan filed and a system check needs to be performed before you can do anything. It has seat warmers, that are pretty cool, that make sure the leather seats are not too cold when you go for a ride.

I have a funny story about an old lady and a seat warmer that is for another day! A scream! Anyway.

The key apparently is programmed with settings for the driver. It has an alarm that goes off if you are getting too close to something behind you. The radio will keep playing when you turn the car off and blue tooth! She didn't even know about the blue tooth until last week. I am sure that there are more wonders in that thing yet to be discovered, but that is just the short list.

Give me the key and tell me where you want to go and I'm good.

My mother is also in town for her annual visit. We are coming to the end of her second week. I have to say that I am enjoying having her and my sister here. I don't have to go anywhere to see them. I get to spend time with them before I got to sleep and cook for them when I am not too tired.

Last week was insane and I was sure I was going to have a nervous breakdown, but I made it through thanks in no small part to sick time from work and the ability to drop hours! I initially thought, "What's 3 more people? The more the merrier!" It was a challenge getting everything together so we could function as a household. Now I'm thinking that I don't know what I will do when it is just the folks that normally live here again! I'm loving every minute of it.

This week is going better. I feel like we are getting into a groove and as soon as I am all used to them being here they are going to go home and I will have to put my road warrior hat back on. My sister will still be in town, but I am sure she misses sleeping in her own bed at night. I know I do even though my bed is a cheap piece of crap, it is home and I am a home body.

My mother and sister have a strange relationship that confuses and entertains me at the same time. Though I am sure they don't fully realize just how hilarious they sound when they start clucking at each other like some deranged hens.

I have been trying to convince my mother to move in with me and my family, but she says that she doesn't do much more at my house than she does at home, but she takes for granted the fact that my children are really loving having her around. My toddlers can't wait to wake her up in the morning and love on her. My teenagers love spending time with their grandmother too. Not to mention, My house, my rules.

My mother likes to have fish on Fridays and it is on sale so I am off to pick up some in the morning! My twin sister tells me that my mother has really enjoys the food that we have been preparing for her since she has been here, but she finds some fault in it. I don't even let her comments bother me. I know that it is her way of trying to be "sassy". We talk a lot of trash. She says something and I say something sassy back. It works for us. She can be a handful and hardheaded, but all in all I enjoy her company.

The weather sucks right now. It has been raining for the past 2 days and cool to boot. My mother wants to go get a mani-pedi. I know for a fact that she will complain for an hour about how cold she is. She wants to get out and do something so I am going to take her to do it. It will give me a chance to have a captive audience at the nail salon to try some of my material one. I love a good clean joke.

When my twin sister was here, we used to go get our eyebrows done and tell jokes to the women getting pedicures. Some of them still remember us over a year later! That's making a good impression. I should probably bake up some goodies and grab a stack of business cards so I can do some networking.

Until next time! Love your family. I know I do.

I can hardly wait!

I'm a twin. I never really gave that fact much thought because it is the reality of my life.

People used to ask me all the time "What's it like having a twin?" I never really understood why someone would ask me that because I never walked up to a single birth and asked them what it was like NOT to have a twin. I later came up with a stupid response that I abandoned once I reached adulthood. "What's it like to be a single birth?" ~psssrrt~ I was such a dumb a$$.

Now? I have a much better and heartfelt response. "It's GREAT!" I love my sister very much. My narcissism won't let me do anything but. She looks too much like me.

We weren't always close. I don't think any siblings are ever always close. Through the years we have come to learn that loving each other and being the best biggest cheerleader is a much more fun way to live.

I have two daughters and I hope that they can see from the example that I set in dealing with my sisters that they can do for each other and have a positive uplifting relationship too.

My sister's husband took her to California in May 2008. He's in the military and got stationed out there. I knew when they got married that it would happen. It was just a matter of when. We found out for sure on our birthday in 2008. It put a damper on an otherwise pleasant day. I stayed late that night and tried extra hard to have a good time. They came to spend her last night in the state with me before driving 70% of their worldly possessions across country.

Now our birthday is coming up and I'm going to California! Years of paying my account on time have paid off in the form of a trip out there that only cost me $20.55 round trip. I'm leaving January 23rd and returning February 2nd. I've been counting down since before Christmas. The holidays went by like a blur because I'm looking forward to January. It makes me sad because I know that the time out there won't be long enough. My plan is to make the most of it as possible. Hugs everyday! Playing with my twin nieces! Cooking and Baking! Visiting with all the new friends that she's made. I can hardly wait!