A visit to my mother and from my spirit guide

Ok. I went to visit my mother this past weekend because I will be gone for two weekends. Even though I have gone to see her for the previous two weekends, I must be seen before I get on a plane to California.

It is hot in my mother's house. I normally dress in layers that I can immediately peal off after crossing the threshold of her home. Or I simply create a circuit track between her den, kitchen, living room and the front porch; ending up on the porch for some cool air and a cigarette.

The temperature in my mother's house is normally about 80 degrees Fahrenheit, once it was nearly 90! I didn't check because I was not going to spend the night and I'd rather not make her uncomfortable for the 8 or so hours that I was going to be in her home.

My mother put some frozen pork chops in the oven to become jerky before we arrived and I decided early on that I was not even going to try to eat that. I told her that I was going to get some chicken and she asked me to go to Wal-Mart while I was out. A 40 minute trip just became 90. Okay mom, anything for you. Whatever gets me out of the hot box. It is too cold to be running in and out of the house every 10-15 minutes. Off we went.

In the time we were gone she must have cranked up the heat to "hell" or something. I went in, sat down to eat and basically lost consciousness!

I slept for about 90 minutes during which time I met with my spirit guide Nyuru, a cat, who told me that things were going to get better.

Confused, I woke up and felt like I'd been hit in the head with a bag of bricks! Dazed and slightly nauseous, I stumbled to the bathroom and wondered why on earth I was feeling so bad.

I got the kids packed up. When I was outside making sure that nothing was hanging out of the car, I realized that I was feeling better! Did I have a stroke? I didn't think it was that hot, but as my body cooled in the evening breeze moist with the rain of the day, my mind started to clear and my head ache started to subside.

While I was able to maintain consciousness, I did have a nice visit with my mother. She was just happy to have the noise in the house. My three year old babbled for two hours straight and has not learned the difference between his inside voice and outside voice. He did fold his arms in a huff when I tried to get him to sing the Hokey Pokey. cute, but no performance for grandma!

Three more days and I'm California bound!

Clear the runway, I'm ready for take off!

More to come...

Teenage Stupidity and the search for a cure.

Let's just be realistic, there is no cure. Though I call myself a hopeful person, the prospect is grim that Teenage Stupidity will ever be wiped from the face of the earth.

I have an afflicted living with me. She is 15 and I fear that it might be fatal. Why? Because I just may wring her neck!

Sigh.....here's the story.

So my 13 year old daughter comes home from school Thursday and she is hysterical. I got up and went to calm her down. She was crying uncontrollably. I finally got her calm enough so I could understand the words she was trying to say. All I could make out was "I got an 'F'! " and she then began to cry. My mind was racing, I didn't know what to say. She has never made an F before and the last time she made a D, I thought she would have to be sedated. She was about to put herself in shock.

"Did you talk to your teacher?" I asked.
"No, she (sob sob sob) and I couldn't (sob sob sob) to her" was her reply.
"It will be ok. Go talk to your teacher and find out what you can do about the grade. There's nothing you can do about it now. Calm down." I said comfortingly.
"(Sniff sniff) Ok Mommy. I'm sorry. I'll do better." she whimpered as she began to calm.

She has always been one to beat herself up more about her grades than I could ever. We love learning and I can realistically say that my children are smart. I like to think that I am a mother that isn't stupid, but like all mothers I can be in denial about the reality of my children not being little babies anymore.

All of that drama over grades made me think. Wait, I have not seen 15's grades this quarter. I have four children in the house with work life and home life competing for my attention. Paying bills and making sure there is beans and rice on the table is a lot to juggle. From time to time I lose track of things. The 15 has been using this to her advantage.

I go to her and ask, "How are your grades? I have not seen anything all quarter."

A blank stare.

Never a good response.

Her Honors English teacher has her grade book on-line so I decide to take a look. "Tell me the password." I command. She gave me something that I put into the computer and it didn't work. I had her repeat it twice and got frustrated. I knew that there was something there that she didn't want me to see. I saved the password to the grade book the last time I used it. I just didn't want to go to the other computer. Fine, I'll go back there and look it up. It wasn't good. We had a conversation about her grades after the first report card and I told her that it would not be nice if she chose not to be responsible for her grades. I noticed that she had a zero for not turning in a signed progress report. A free 100!? Just for owning up to the fact that she was failing!

Exasperated, I e-mailed her teacher asking for help. "What can we do to help her?" I included my home and cell phone numbers just in case she could call. She did. A mere three hours later. I was please to have the chance to speak with her. Especially since I sent the message after 5 pm. She told me how wonderful and smart my daughter is. She said that she was not turning in her assignments.

My blood began to boil.

What would she have to say for herself. After seeing the grades, 15 pulled out all manner of books and papers and began to work in earnest on some homework assignment. A display that angered me more than anything else. As easy as it was for her to pull out that homework, she could have just as easily done the same thing all quarter long.

We are faced with the very real possibility that she may not pass her grade because of this subject.

A typical symptom of TS (teenage stupidity) is the inability to see the big picture. She doesn't understand that the decisions she makes today will reap consequences that she will have to deal with tomorrow.

Now I am faced with creating an object lesson. This will be a particularly daunting task because 15 has always just adjusted to what ever punishment was dealt. You can't watch TV, she reads books. You can't read books, she crochets. You can't use the computer, she uses the computer at school. Arrrrgh!

She has now placed herself in self imposed exile. Avoiding eye contact and whispering feigned apologies that have gotten old and meaningless. I told her that the only way she can really apologize is to show me that she isn't doing to do these stupid things anymore.

Choices, it's all about choices. I have made choices that I am dealing with the consequences of to this day.

In her defense, she has experienced a hard 2008. Some of which was out of her control. Issues with her thieving sperm donor and bad choices around personal relationships can cause TS to flare up and take an effect on the afflicted's mental processes. You can only be a victim for so long before you choose to take responsibility for what is yours.

Pray for me. If you see a national headline about a crazed woman in North Caroline going on a rampage. It was just me. Send bail money.

More to come...

I can hardly wait!

I'm a twin. I never really gave that fact much thought because it is the reality of my life.

People used to ask me all the time "What's it like having a twin?" I never really understood why someone would ask me that because I never walked up to a single birth and asked them what it was like NOT to have a twin. I later came up with a stupid response that I abandoned once I reached adulthood. "What's it like to be a single birth?" ~psssrrt~ I was such a dumb a$$.

Now? I have a much better and heartfelt response. "It's GREAT!" I love my sister very much. My narcissism won't let me do anything but. She looks too much like me.

We weren't always close. I don't think any siblings are ever always close. Through the years we have come to learn that loving each other and being the best biggest cheerleader is a much more fun way to live.

I have two daughters and I hope that they can see from the example that I set in dealing with my sisters that they can do for each other and have a positive uplifting relationship too.

My sister's husband took her to California in May 2008. He's in the military and got stationed out there. I knew when they got married that it would happen. It was just a matter of when. We found out for sure on our birthday in 2008. It put a damper on an otherwise pleasant day. I stayed late that night and tried extra hard to have a good time. They came to spend her last night in the state with me before driving 70% of their worldly possessions across country.

Now our birthday is coming up and I'm going to California! Years of paying my account on time have paid off in the form of a trip out there that only cost me $20.55 round trip. I'm leaving January 23rd and returning February 2nd. I've been counting down since before Christmas. The holidays went by like a blur because I'm looking forward to January. It makes me sad because I know that the time out there won't be long enough. My plan is to make the most of it as possible. Hugs everyday! Playing with my twin nieces! Cooking and Baking! Visiting with all the new friends that she's made. I can hardly wait!

Mirror Mirror on the wall....

I am my mother after all.

I fight and fight not to but it happened anyway. My mother pouts when she doesn't get her way. So do I. She gets angry at the wrong people. Me too. Isn't the first step admitting that you have a problem?


As our gift to one another this Holiday season, she had my children for the majority of their winter break. They got out of school on Friday and they were delivered to her on Sunday. I went back to pick them up the day before they went back to school.

My house was very quiet. Half the time they were gone I got up at 6 - 6:30. I slept like a baby. Now that they are back, I can't sleep for checking on them in the night and they have to practically roll me out of bed to check their chores out before they leave for school.

When I went to pick them up I made sure to spend some one on one time with my mother to see how she enjoyed the visit.


She gushed about how helpful my daughters are and how they cooked and cleaned and took such good care of their baby brothers. I mentioned to my mother that my daughters don't often cook at home.

She said, "That's because you don't let them." to which I responded, "You said that I make them do too much."


That stopped that.


When she stayed with me for 4 weeks, she complained that I make my children do too much because they have chores that have to be done, daily. My home currently has more order and structure than it ever has and I like it that way. If I can only catch the trolls that are eating my spoons and leaving the mystery spots on the carpets, I'll be a happy woman!

I don't make them cook because I like to do it, but I will have them assist me. I also encourage them to experiment, but warn them to be careful. "You have to eat your mistakes". We have very little "quick" food in my house. It is part of the plan to eat like we have some sense. There is preparation that has to happen before you can eat. So hunger must have an imagination. If you have no idea what you want to eat then you must come up with something because there's no microwave dinner in the freezer. I find that it makes food a lot more personal. I have even decided to start to make our bread. It is so much cheaper and the kids like the taste. I can also experiment with different flavors and textures.

I was recently blessed with a bread machine and that is going to make the process easier all the way around. I just have to make sure to measure correctly. It is still a work in progress.

More to come...

And away we go!

My mom hates it here. She has complained about everyday that she's been here. Or, I must not be paying enough attention to her and she's showing out.

Mother as daughter.

She's decided that she wants to go home after 4 weeks at my place. I'm not too broken up about it because she wants to be in her own space, I can totally understand that.

We had a nice Thanksgiving at my older sister's house. My sister worked really hard on her home recently and wanted to get my mother's approval for the improvements. Before we left for my sisters, I took my mother to the side and sternly asked her to be on her best behavior.

Daughter as mother.

She gave me the all-too-familiar "What?! I don't know what you're talking about."

We arrived and my mother did "Oh" and "Ah" appropriately. We sit to chat around my sister's new dining room table. My mother gets herself comfortable as she looks around the room. My sister steps out of the room to check on the kids and my mother looks out the window to the back yard and says, "She needs to wash her windows!" I immediately shushed her. My sister didn't hear. Luckily, unlike a child, my mother fixed her face before my sister returned to the room. A good time was had by all.

I cooked up a storm! I stayed up late Wednesday night making candied yams, yellow cake with chocolate icing, sweet potato pie and cheese cake. I also made stuffing and green bean casserole. My sister made mac and CHEESE, potato salad, mashed potatoes, turkey, ham and greens. I can tell that eating like I have some sense has become a habit because I didn't eat until I was miserable. I nibbled quite a bit though. I didn't have some of everything that night. I understood that the majority of the leftovers was coming home with me so I knew that I'd get my chance. Even though I feed a small third world country every month. We cook and eat simple tasty food.

I think that's another reason that my mother wants to go home. We don't eat out. She's purchased dinner about 5 times since she's been here even though she has seen us stock up on the basics and knows how we eat. We have tried to please her as much as possible. She likes fish. We've had fish for dinner about 6 times in 4 weeks. Fried fish. We will probably have fish again tonight. It is Friday after all.

More to come...